Eating hamsters - Part I
I do not quite know how to begin this, how I can relate this strange experience without creating a sense of disbelief among my friends. Yet, bizarre as it is, it had happened to me as surely as the sun rises from the east. Perhaps I should begin from the time I returned home. It was about 1:00am in the morning. I had just returned from work that night. As usual, I got off the cab, crossed the road, and strolled along the path that I usually took to get to my apartment. The streets were deserted -- most people had already retired to bed, although you could occasionally see a stray dog or two wandering about aimlessly. It was going to be just another normal night, and there was no hint at all that tonight was going to be any different.
I had walked for several moments, before I realized that something was different. There was the unmistakable sound of footsteps behind me. Turning my head back, I saw nothing but a dark emptiness. Out of concern for my safety, I picked up speed, but the sound of footsteps only became faster and louder. Finally, I came to a well-lit building. Turning into a corner, I hid and waited to see who my stalker was. Within moments, he appeared before me. It wasn't quite what I expected. Here I was, staring eye-to-eye with a cute little dwarf hamster.
The hamster stared into my eyes with a hungry look. It gnashed its teeth before me, as if spoiling for a fight. I stared back at it, refusing to be intimidated by the cute-looking rodent. This lasted for about half a minute. It was grueling thirty seconds, trying to stare down a creature as tall as your foot. Then, it attacked! It jumped onto my feet, climbed up my pants in one swift movement. I was taken by surprise. My survival instincts took over, and I tried to shake it off my pants, but to no avail. This was one strong little bugger! I tried to grab hold of it, but it was too fast for me.
It ran up my pants, onto my shirt, and then to my shoulder. Within moments, it was gnawing my chin, and then sticking its furry little head into my mouth where it bit my tongue. It was then that I realized what the hamster was trying to do. The evil little rodent was trying have me for dinner! I must have looked like one big meal that would have lasted it several lifetimes. This was no time to cajole cute furry little rodents. I snapped my jaws shut. The hamster struggled for several moments, digging its tiny little claws into my gums, refusing to release its teeth from my tongue. The rusted-iron taste of blood filled my mouth, some from the hamster and some from the area where it bit me. Well, I do realize how ridiculous this might sound -- but here I was, fighting to save my life from the clutches of the evil little hamster. I clenched my teeth, for fear that if I had released my jaws, the hamster would eat my tongue.
The struggle lasted for about a minute, before the hamster finally stopped struggling. Its blood trickled out of my mouth and dripped onto my shirt -- my favourite white shirt. I had planned to wear this shirt for a very important presentation the following week, but now it was irreparably ruined. There is a Chinese phrase that goes, "I hate him so much I cannot wait to eat his flesh". It was at this point in time that I have finally come to understand the meaning of this phrase, at least literally. I was so furious that I chewed on the hamster, tasting its soft and juicy flesh. It tasted like a mixture of salmon sashimi and iron. Hamster bones are remarkably soft, like a slightly crunchier form of biscuit. I must have acquired a taste for hamster blood too, for I thought it tasted like red wine of a most exquisite quality. Once I had reduced the hamster into a lump of chewed flesh mixed with fur, I swallowed it.
Most major discoveries are accidental. In 1895, Wilhelm Roentgen discovered X-rays by accident when he saw the bones of his own hand on film during the course of one of his experiments. In 1928, Alexander Fleming discovered Penicillin when a dish of bacteria he had cultured was destroyed by a mold that had probably drifted in from an open window in his laboratory. So was the discovery that hamsters make for fine cuisine. Who would have known? I would never have discovered it if the hamster had never attacked me. I am now resolved to conduct experiments on how to make the best-tasting hamsters. Perhaps I might even start my own hamster restaurant one day, to introduce this delicious cuisine to the world. Till then, wish me luck in my experiments.
I do not quite know how to begin this, how I can relate this strange experience without creating a sense of disbelief among my friends. Yet, bizarre as it is, it had happened to me as surely as the sun rises from the east. Perhaps I should begin from the time I returned home. It was about 1:00am in the morning. I had just returned from work that night. As usual, I got off the cab, crossed the road, and strolled along the path that I usually took to get to my apartment. The streets were deserted -- most people had already retired to bed, although you could occasionally see a stray dog or two wandering about aimlessly. It was going to be just another normal night, and there was no hint at all that tonight was going to be any different.
I had walked for several moments, before I realized that something was different. There was the unmistakable sound of footsteps behind me. Turning my head back, I saw nothing but a dark emptiness. Out of concern for my safety, I picked up speed, but the sound of footsteps only became faster and louder. Finally, I came to a well-lit building. Turning into a corner, I hid and waited to see who my stalker was. Within moments, he appeared before me. It wasn't quite what I expected. Here I was, staring eye-to-eye with a cute little dwarf hamster.
The hamster stared into my eyes with a hungry look. It gnashed its teeth before me, as if spoiling for a fight. I stared back at it, refusing to be intimidated by the cute-looking rodent. This lasted for about half a minute. It was grueling thirty seconds, trying to stare down a creature as tall as your foot. Then, it attacked! It jumped onto my feet, climbed up my pants in one swift movement. I was taken by surprise. My survival instincts took over, and I tried to shake it off my pants, but to no avail. This was one strong little bugger! I tried to grab hold of it, but it was too fast for me.
It ran up my pants, onto my shirt, and then to my shoulder. Within moments, it was gnawing my chin, and then sticking its furry little head into my mouth where it bit my tongue. It was then that I realized what the hamster was trying to do. The evil little rodent was trying have me for dinner! I must have looked like one big meal that would have lasted it several lifetimes. This was no time to cajole cute furry little rodents. I snapped my jaws shut. The hamster struggled for several moments, digging its tiny little claws into my gums, refusing to release its teeth from my tongue. The rusted-iron taste of blood filled my mouth, some from the hamster and some from the area where it bit me. Well, I do realize how ridiculous this might sound -- but here I was, fighting to save my life from the clutches of the evil little hamster. I clenched my teeth, for fear that if I had released my jaws, the hamster would eat my tongue.
The struggle lasted for about a minute, before the hamster finally stopped struggling. Its blood trickled out of my mouth and dripped onto my shirt -- my favourite white shirt. I had planned to wear this shirt for a very important presentation the following week, but now it was irreparably ruined. There is a Chinese phrase that goes, "I hate him so much I cannot wait to eat his flesh". It was at this point in time that I have finally come to understand the meaning of this phrase, at least literally. I was so furious that I chewed on the hamster, tasting its soft and juicy flesh. It tasted like a mixture of salmon sashimi and iron. Hamster bones are remarkably soft, like a slightly crunchier form of biscuit. I must have acquired a taste for hamster blood too, for I thought it tasted like red wine of a most exquisite quality. Once I had reduced the hamster into a lump of chewed flesh mixed with fur, I swallowed it.
Most major discoveries are accidental. In 1895, Wilhelm Roentgen discovered X-rays by accident when he saw the bones of his own hand on film during the course of one of his experiments. In 1928, Alexander Fleming discovered Penicillin when a dish of bacteria he had cultured was destroyed by a mold that had probably drifted in from an open window in his laboratory. So was the discovery that hamsters make for fine cuisine. Who would have known? I would never have discovered it if the hamster had never attacked me. I am now resolved to conduct experiments on how to make the best-tasting hamsters. Perhaps I might even start my own hamster restaurant one day, to introduce this delicious cuisine to the world. Till then, wish me luck in my experiments.
