The Solution to Iraq Part I
Disclaimer: Note that this article is not meant to be taken seriously. Read it only if you have an open mind. If you do not have an open mind, please do not proceed any further. You have been warned.
With Bush wringing his hands for an answer to his Iraqi woes, the answer has never been clearer to me. In this article, I list a few simple solutions the Americans can adopt to find a resolution to the quagmire in Iraq.
First solution:
The United States can "liberate" Iraq the way the Soviet Union "liberated" the countries in the Eastern Bloc. Annex Iraq as the fifty second state of the United States. Proclaim a new Manifest Destiny which encompasses the Middle East, and encourage settlement by Americans with free land and government loans. Iraq will become the new Wild West (or is it Wild Middle East?) for settlers, adventurers and soldiers of fortune, all seeking after black gold. The new American Dream will no longer be based in the United States, but be founded in Iraq.
Bring the troops home. Instead, ship all convicts and homeless persons to Iraq. This has the benefit of solving the prison overcrowding problem and the homeless persons problem in the United States. There are about 2 million prisoners and 3.5 million homeless persons in the United States. Give each of them a gun, and you will instantly have an army of 5.5 million soldiers. How's that, compared to just 150,000 expensive soldiers? Definitely a lot cheaper than Bush's troop "Surge" plan.
Furthermore, the deaths of homeless people will cause little hue and cry among the American public. If the American public really cared, these people would not be homeless in the first place. Ditto for convicts.
This has the unfortunate side effect of requiring the United States to allow Iraqis to become citizens of the United States. However, this can easily be mitigated. All Iraqis will be shipped off to Iran, unless they can prove their anti-terrorism credentials. Only truly "clean" Iraqis can become citizens of the United States. This has a historical precedent in the De-nazification of Sudetenland just 60 years ago, and therefore, would be an acceptable solution to the international community.
With the above solutions, the end result would be Iraqis enjoying American citizenship and American pop culture, eating Big Macs and guzzling Cokes. American SUVs will get to guzzle Iraqi oil.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
To be continued ...
With Bush wringing his hands for an answer to his Iraqi woes, the answer has never been clearer to me. In this article, I list a few simple solutions the Americans can adopt to find a resolution to the quagmire in Iraq.
First solution:
The United States can "liberate" Iraq the way the Soviet Union "liberated" the countries in the Eastern Bloc. Annex Iraq as the fifty second state of the United States. Proclaim a new Manifest Destiny which encompasses the Middle East, and encourage settlement by Americans with free land and government loans. Iraq will become the new Wild West (or is it Wild Middle East?) for settlers, adventurers and soldiers of fortune, all seeking after black gold. The new American Dream will no longer be based in the United States, but be founded in Iraq.
Bring the troops home. Instead, ship all convicts and homeless persons to Iraq. This has the benefit of solving the prison overcrowding problem and the homeless persons problem in the United States. There are about 2 million prisoners and 3.5 million homeless persons in the United States. Give each of them a gun, and you will instantly have an army of 5.5 million soldiers. How's that, compared to just 150,000 expensive soldiers? Definitely a lot cheaper than Bush's troop "Surge" plan.
Furthermore, the deaths of homeless people will cause little hue and cry among the American public. If the American public really cared, these people would not be homeless in the first place. Ditto for convicts.
This has the unfortunate side effect of requiring the United States to allow Iraqis to become citizens of the United States. However, this can easily be mitigated. All Iraqis will be shipped off to Iran, unless they can prove their anti-terrorism credentials. Only truly "clean" Iraqis can become citizens of the United States. This has a historical precedent in the De-nazification of Sudetenland just 60 years ago, and therefore, would be an acceptable solution to the international community.
With the above solutions, the end result would be Iraqis enjoying American citizenship and American pop culture, eating Big Macs and guzzling Cokes. American SUVs will get to guzzle Iraqi oil.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
To be continued ...
